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Cassie....Maybe A Little Sheila

Hugo had messaged me a little after 1 am, but I had just passed out. So had Billy, as he was high. Made some coffee, cleaned up a little. Just as I was about to leave for rehearsal, Tim called & texted. He was in the drive way, and could he come inside to say hi? Sure, though I'm on my way out. I was the first person to rehearsal, and pleasantly surprised to see that EOS has installed hardwood floors in what was the carpeted yoga room we use for rehearsal. I was particularly worried about learning Newsies up there. It's fine to say, audition a piece with turns on carpet. It's not fine to have every rehearsal have turns on carpet. The piece itself is cute. A sendup of various musicals, and therefore incorporating the styles of them. Unfortunately, his choreography puts me in the back for the main dance part of the piece. I'm not being arrogant when I say I'm the best dancer there, and I'm going to pull focus where ever I am on stage. If that's the back row, that's the back row.

Peter hit me up on my way back, so I invited him over. Tim's phone was still there, and he had a couple tabs open. Closed his tabs, but no clue how to let him know he'd forgotten his phone, and I hopped in the shower. But as soon as I had, I heard his voice outside my door. He'd just taken Pupple for a walk, why didn't I save his work on that open tab? Well, it's been 3 hours since you said you were stopping by to say hello, and you've literally never closed any document you've worked on at my computer, so....also, I have a trick coming over, so you need to go. I was bitchier than I needed to have been, which seems to be my MO when it comes to people carelessly ignoring boundaries.

Had fun with Peter, took Hugo to Whole Foods so he could get a sammich. Tom Miller met us at my place, and we drove over. Hugo wanted to eat his sammich inside, which I vetoed. I gave him my keys, instead, to let him run back whenever he decided he wanted to eat. There was a sign outside next to a box of masks, telling everyone to put on one before coming inside, but no one inside was wearing them. Cute. Actually cute was the tiny Chihuahua that ran up to us as soon as we entered. Her name is Dior and she's 21. Not in dog years - in people years. I planned to just sit on the ground with her for the rest of the party, but she decided she wanted to be carried instead. Hugo found their collection of David LaChapelle books, so we were kind of adorable there for a minute.

A shorter gent named Bart seemed to have a thing for me, and I'd have probably have gone home with him if I hadn't been with Hugo. Hugo wanted to know how many people at the party I'd had sex with, though the party was surprisingly light on guys I've Known. Funnily enough, the Daddy Hugo played with before showed up and was on his jock all night. Particularly when I wasn't near him, which is more upsetting. Tom was on my jock, mentioning repeatedly how great we'd be as a couple. We finally called it a night around 1, I drove us home, Hugo Ubered back to his place


In spite of the forecast, it wasn't terribly cloudy as I left for work, so I left my door open. Tons of work to catch up on, and while I got through it all, I'll be behind by the time I get back on Tuesday. Ben called me, just passing through and wanting to get lunch. He might swing back down for brunch on Sunday, though. I stayed after chatting with JJD just briefly which turned out to be a mistake, as the rain started coming down as soon as I left. Ran all the way to my car, made it home and buttoned up the place before the rain really started coming down.

Hugo was going to Flick's with friends, but hadn't invited me, so I was on my own. A daddy from Portland Woofed at me, and I initially ignored it because I thought he was downtown, but then he said he was at Lafayette and had two other tops there wanting to breed me. Okay! Took me forever to find parking, but I finally got there. One of the other tops was a gorgeous beefy guy with a massively thick cock, and the other was an Awkward bear. I sucked the beefy guy while Awkward rimmed me, and then Awkward fucked me. As soon as he did, Daddy pulled Beefy to the other bed to fuck. It was honestly awkward, and Awkward and I both seemed to get the feeling that I was just there to keep him occupied while Daddy fucked Beefy. Fortunately, Beefy really liked me, so when he got close, he left Daddy to fill me up. Daddy fucked me next, then he sat on my face until Awkward came. There was a little bit of a mess on the bed, which I freaked out about until Awkward said it was probably him. He'd tried to get cleaned up earlier, and cum so hard he lost control. Poor Awkward. Beefy, it turns out, is local, while Daddy and Awkward are in a relationship. That makes uncomfortable sense. I stayed after chatting with them a while, caught up in the endorphins of it all, but finally headed home.

Billy hit me up about either going out or staying in and stretching his hole, but I didn't feel up to topping like that. Brian, a gent I've chatted with for years, hit me up, and our schedules finally worked out, so he came over. I made him a drink, he said hi to Hover and Lady Miss Friday, we chatted for a while. He's moving to Mission Valley because he's drinking too much and it's causing damage in his life. Oooookay. I had a stellar time with him, but that should sort of go without saying since he's an addict. Addicts/former addicts/addictive people make amazing lovers. I still hoped to make it to DILF, but ended up passing out instead. Save me some money, at least.


Hugo is very hard to wake up in the morning, and it turns out I was only partially(?) dreaming last night, because he apparently stayed up until midnight. I did finally manage to get him up and to his appointment. $25 for the exam, and he's got a fissure. They were going to test him for other stuff, but wanted $60 for a blood test. He's just going to wait until he gets back to Switzerland, which I guess means we're not fucking? Sex isn't important to him...which is the same thing I've heard from everyone else who's ever been shady with me. Work was really hard. I asked if I could swap this Monday for another, like they'd offered for the last one, and the answer was no. I'd also been neglecting my claims all week while I worked on backlog from the holiday and people being out. Hugo was going out with straight friends downtown, I got hit up by Chad and then by Chris, but then remembered I had my own appointment. Laid down at home for a bit, then journaled and got cleaned up. I'm not seeing Schmerber, but I do like to be presentable.

I saw Lopinicki, a lesbian I've seen before, but I don't think I got along with. We got along fine this time, she stood on the other side of the curtain while I swabbed myself. Literally everyone there seemed amazed that I'd be coming in just to get STD screened. My copay is $45, which I guess isn't bad given all the tests, but damn. Looks like I'm coming every 3 months now. Hugo had one of his sweet moments, sending me heart and flower emojis, then saying he wished he could be at the doctor's with me.

I hit the store after while I messaged with Chad, who invited me over anyway. I got to see his cat, Kona, who loves me more than she does his partner, but less than she does him. We laid on the couch talking about boys and work and such. He's a manager of a hospital, and been working 60 hr weeks lately. Made out more, then got to fucking. I topped him, he topped me, I came for him. Voluminous, but not good distance. I at least hit his face, though.

It's A Trap

I got a little more sleep, which was good because Suzanne is still out and I had a backlog of work to take care of. I'd thought that I had the fundraiser with Sosa tonight, but that's in March. Great! Hugo asked if I would make an appointment for him after all, as he's in pain and concerned. Had to get some info from him, including symptoms, but he just said his back hurts. The only spot they had was 8am tomorrow, which is going to be great fun for him given that he normally wakes up after noon. While I was at it, I made an appointment for myself for the evening. I'm probably due. I hadn't heard from Hugo after that, so I just headed home after work. I journaled some, ate some pita, and messaged with the 16 y/o from Iowa. He wants to propose to me, but also just "got broken up with" by a guy he met last week. And now the guy's blocked him on Snap/FB/Grindr/WhatsApp/Carrier Pigeon....because when he doesn't get an answer right away on one, he messages via another. He's got a poz/bug chasing fetish and is into fisting porn. He barebacks when he has sex because "if it's not bare, it's not sex."

I'm fascinated and horrified by this. Fascinated because I'm world-boilingly jealous of his knowledge of self at that age. Horrified because he doesn't get tested. Like, ever. For anything. He's on his parent's insurance and would have to explain to them why he was wanting to go to the dr. and he doesn't talk sex with his therapist because he's concerned that since bb sex might qualify as "harm to oneself" she'd tell his parents. I don't know enough about Iowa's doctor-patient privilege laws, but I'm going to try to find him some resources.

Around 5:45, Hugo messaged me via both text and WhatsApp that he was at Flick's waiting for me. Oh, okay...we didn't have any plans to be there, but sure. Got ready really quickly and headed out, but still got a "where are you" message all of 5 min later. He'd been talking on the phone with a friend of his for 4 hours, and just sort of wandered up from his place to Hillcrest. He really loves walking. We walked over to Whole Foods, but he didn't see anything he wanted there. It was nice, of course, to just hold his hand. Neither of us had plans for the night, but the community meeting for the Imperial Court was at the Center, so we walked over there. IC does a lot of good work - they raised over 90k last year for various causes, host a number of family events, etc. But good lord the pomp at their events. Most of the audience was either a reigning court official or a former one, and each one had to be introduced by their official title, followed by applause. It was a 15 min discussion that stretched over an hour. Hugo got annoyed/impatient, but then calmed down.

Since his appointment was at 8, he suggested he spend the night, because otherwise he might not wake up in time. Suits me fine. We parked at his place, then walked over to Cafe Gratitude so he could get some dinner to go. We talked more about his symptoms on the way, and it turns out by his "back" hurting, he really meant his ass. That sort of changes things. He hasn't bottomed....but one guy came on his hole - the Daddy, about 3 weeks ago.

But that started gears turning in my head and spewing out bits of red haze. 3 weeks ago was just before he left for HI, when his communication was intermittent and I declined sex with him because he was being really weird. In fact, that was the day he'd said he was talking to the Daddy, disappeared for a few hours, then said the Daddy wasn't online. Oh, maybe it was 2 weeks ago...he was in HI then. Oh, it was another boy, and he just got a bj, but couldn't get hard because he wasn't randy. None of this was making any sense at this point, and according to him, he's had way more sex that didn't pan out because he wasn't randy than anyone his age should. This strikes me as his version of "we mostly talked about you!" that I used to get from Ken and Julian.

I've been far from celibate at this point, but it's worth noting that I'd been going to take Hugo with me to my endeavors until all of this nonsense started happening. He kept asking what was wrong, that he could tell from my eyes that something was, and saying it's a Pisces Rising trait to internalize things. None of it means anything to me, but we've got one more week wherein we probably won't have sex anyway. I can deal.

He ate his $20 dinner at home. I tried a small bite, but it just tasted like mashed sweet potatoes to me. Not bad, but that's like...$1, not $20. We finally crashed, but I had dreams of him being on his phone, telling me to go back to sleep, and then sleep molesting me.


4am. Are you kidding me?! Made it to work, got through the day. Suzanne was out, so there was a little more. Dave had sent a couple emails over the weekend, but I didn't get a chance to respond to them. I picked up Hugo on my way out so we could get tested. We found parking, but 1) I forgot my wallet art work, and 2, they were full of clients and short on doctors. The lady at the front desk offered to make an appointment for the next evening, but Hugo declined at the last minute, saying he'd just get tested when he gets home. Suit yourself, kid.

He had no plans for the night, so I suggested we finally make dinner together, and he suggested pizza. Since it was still so early, we zipped back down to the office so I could get my wallet, but then hit awful traffic on the way back. Everything was backed up for blocks. Hugo apparently gets motion sickness, so he spent most of the trip groaning and whining in the passenger seat. Finally got to the store, picked up fixins. Tim asked if he could bring Pupple by, I deferred to Hugo, Hugo deferred to me, I finally said sure. We actually had a good time making the pizza....or Hugo watching me make pizza. Also, it was one of the better pizzas I've made, and even the TJ's vegan cheese came out pretty well. We chatted on the couch after briefly. Hugo is very upset about his trip coming to a close and leaving me. He's odd - very reserved, to the point of being cold, but then suddenly gushing some real and slightly uncomfortable emotion. We laid down after dinner, and he might have fallen asleep briefly on top of me. I thought we might fuck, but then Tim showed up. I was a little irritated that he'd even asked to come over on VD when I was making dinner with Hugo, but it turned out to be fine. Tim made the sweet potatoes that we brought, Hugo gave Pupple some treats...but also snapped, and clapped, and was generally very jumpy. In the course of our dinner discussion, I discovered that he's actually Albanian, but his parents moved from Kosovo before he was born. I kicked everyone out around 9:30, which meant giving Hugo a ride home and then kicking Tim out again when I got back. Too tired to do anything but crash.


4am. Of course. Laid in bed for a while kind of wishing I had work, but finally hopped online. Jesse hit me up, so I picked him up from his place in BFEast County. We flip fucked - I bottomed first, since he was finally hard enough, and then topped him until he came. It was his birthday, so I was happy to have a sexfest, but most people were still sleeping or else at work. He ended up jerking again - there was actually no cum for about 10 seconds, and then just a drop. Kind of amazing, really. I made him coffee and waffles, let him play the nostalgia machine and drink from the bottle of rum. Matt and Victor posted that they needed help moving - Victor is sick, and they just got back from burying Matt's mum, so yeah, we can take some time out for that. It was long and exhausting and made me feel much better about my packing jobs. Jesse tapped out after about 45 min, which I certainly don't blame him for. Matt noted that he was being helped by a trans woman, straight guy, and a porn star, and how that diversity of community was missing for him back home.

I picked Hugo up, as he'd offered to help organize my room, but we were both exhausted. Unfortunately, when we laid down, he also put Tinashe on loud, and I can't sleep with music unless the song is amazing and so quiet I can almost not hear it. This was neither, though I enjoyed Ghetto Boy. When he woke up, we laid there a while, just staring in each other's eyes and then he asked if he could see the boy I'm dating...record scratch, what? Turns out he'd thought the story of my going to PS for Desert Romp when I first started dating Julian was current, not in the past. Oh, lord.

We did end up cleaning my room, and did a great job, really. Threw away a couple trash bags full of stuff - some trash, some could have been donated, but I've had it for years and never got around to doing that, so at this point it needs to be gone. I suddenly remembered that the Encore show was tonight, messaged with Chip. Hugo wanted us to go to Evolution for dinner, and Chip wanted to join us. I paid for dinner, then we headed out to the show. There was zero parking and a line, which turned out to be a sold out show, so good for them. I'd have been fine sitting on the ground, but blah blah blah firecode. I was actually ready to leave - they get three more seats in the theatre, and our money, I get to go to sleep sooner. But Chip and Hugo both wanted to stay, and Amanda found seats for us. Encore is still finding their happy medium on giving everyone solos vs having a good show. But it got better as it went on, except for Being Alive. I hate that song anyway, and the arrangement got my hopes up that they'd launch into a kick line at the bridge. Anthony was stellar as the host. I can't imagine delivering that number of lines perfectly or having to make the number of changes he did on the fly. I also loved his Effie Trinket, who might have been just a bit drunk.

I was going to ask Chip to drop Hugo off so I could get to bed, but he had stuff at my place. Okay. Cleared a spot when I finally did get home, set up the camera and put on a show. It was fun, if brief. Lady Miss Friday kept running in front of the camera and my shot, while voluminous, looked like Elmer's glue. Not only that, but despite being exhausted, I couldn't sleep. Jerked off again, this time sans camera and just in my usual spot next to the bed, but still couldn't sleep for at least an hour.

Oh, There's Funday

Woke up waaaaaay too early with Markus and Al and got on the road. I surprisingly managed to sleep a little in the car, got cleaned up at home and ready for my shoot. Hugo declined to join, so I just got on the road. Except when I walked out to drive there, I couldn't find my car. Took me a minute to realize I'd left it at Jason's place on Friday. Briefly considered asking around for a ride, but finally just Lyfted over there. My driver was nice, but a little ditzy. She kept getting lost on the way. I think I did a pretty good job keeping my filter up, though. The shoot was at the house of a much older gay couple near Mesa - I seem to be there a lot these days. Clarence, the photographer, looks a bit like Michael Chiklis. The shoot started slow, and Clarence just gives okay direction, but better than nothing. If I'm going to get back into modeling, I really need to start checking out poses and build a mental list of them that I can change slightly each shoot. Eventually my clothes came off, Clarence was pretty good about giving me time to fluff between shoots. Richard, one of the gents, took photos with a few different cameras. He apparently has Parkinson's, and gets very frustrated when his hands don't work. That makes sense.

Clarence shot me in a few angles and a few outfits on a red background that worked surprisingly well, then got me into the hot tub. Richard ended up sucking my dick and trying to get me to cum, Clarence took off his pants but didn't join. Jerking off felt great, actually, so I had no problem putting on a show for as long as they wanted. I totally forgot this was a paid shoot, but I certainly wasn't going to turn down the $100 at the end. If/when I work with Clarence again, we'll do TFP, but the older gents can more than afford it. Finished up there, messaged Hugo, who was sort of mixed in his response. I picked him up - he's got some sort of nasty sore on his lip, and had a painful rash on one hand the week before. He was concerned about STDs - the lip sore doesn't look like herpes, though I can't quite tell if that's just healing up or not, and the hand rash is definitely not a symptom of syph. That's on both hands and not painful. I've had it.

We finally did meet up with Billy to go to Babycakes, but then Billy changed that to #1, then to Mo's. Hugo wanted to stop for a juice smoothie on the way there, but that was taking about an hour. I have no clue how that place even stays in business like that. Billy left for Mo's, I was going to stay but Hugo sent me on. The drink prices at Mo's were weird. Sometimes $4, sometimes $8. Billy's prices were just as strange, with some beers costing way more than others. We moseyed over to Flick's after, where I saw Chip, and danced with Nick, and was generally delightful. I came close to singing for Karaoke, but I'm gonna need to be sober for that. Billy tapped out, and then Hugo walked home, so I called it an early night.

Counts As Rest

Had a relaxing morning - Jeff baked bread, we listened to music (he has a lot of the same taste that I do) and set up the place for the party later. People started drifting in for the party, and I tried to take it easy on the booze. I chatted with Jason, and Coleman, and entertained everyone. That didn't last long, of course, and it wasn't long before I was sucking dick in the hot tub.

A gent named Kevin fucked me, along with someone else. Dragos (finally) fucked me, along with someone else. Oscar fucked me, along with someone else. It was kind of a theme, really. Jason and Chris drove home. I imagine a giant drunk orgy is a bit much for this stage in their relationship. They negotiated a ride home for me the next day, though, which is thoughtful. I passed out at some point, waking up to throw up a couple times. Then I woke up, brushed my teeth, and got fucked by Sean. He and a few others left for Hunters, but I was nowhere near up to going out. I did managed to flip fuck with Kevin, though. Markus joined us, but Kevin came and passed out, so Markus and I fucked in the other room instead. Sean and them all came back from the bars around then, so we drank, and talked, and fucked until around 5am.

Golden Rule

There was zero parking anywhere. Nothing close, nothing far, not on any go around and time started running out. I figured I'd grab 2 hour parking and move my car later, but a spot magically opened up right hten. Thank gawd. As another blessing, uut of nowhere, a gift for Sean came to me in the morning. Piano sheet music from Yann Tiersen. Too late to purchase (they don't sell digital copies, because we're in the Stone Age), but I was able to find a bunch of it online from other transcribers, so I made a book for him. Towards the end of the day, Hugo asked where he could go out tonight, but said he wasn't sure about going without me. He's amazing, but also 23. Jason had originally wanted to leave around 3, but then contacted me to say they might not be leaving until much later, if tonight at all. That's no good, because if I see Hugo, I will probably not be able to abandon him leave for the weekend. But then a few hours later Jason said we were clear for 4:30...then 5....then 5:30. We finally got on the road around 6, but the traffic was TERRIBLE. Jason had us singing along to Avenue Q, I crawled through to the trunk so Chris could get a drink, and we ended up having to pull over on the side of the road so I could piss.

When we finally got to PS, the boys were naked in the hot tub, so I gave Sean a hello BJ before going to get cleaned up and have a drink. The boys got out, I got introduced to everyone, and then we had a 5 way. Sean was more than a little drunk already, so he kept fucking me after the 5 way - over the couch, at the kitchen table, etc. The night basically continued like that, drinking and socializing and fucking. Hugo messaged me - alone in his room, sad about the end of his trip, and wondering why I was so far away. But then quickly changed tracks to say it was fine, I should enjoy my trip. I took a pic of the still clothed boys, said everyone was wasted, including me, and that I missed him.

Not Special

Claims finally calmed down, so I managed to get a bunch of appointments filed via the thrillingly paced TrueFiling website...in the sense that I, like Miranda Priestly, am thrilled by a glacial pace. Though I prefer them with penguins. Worked out and even got JJD to join me. I asked if I could come in/leave 30 min early, but Lynelle said no. Just minutes before she said she was working from home. And minutes before Din left for the day at 2:30. Kim posted that Tennessee time is canceled for now. I imagine Tenn is a little overwhelmed by all of this attention from NOT-PARENTS, and freaking out by the lack of PARENTS. This actually works out okay for me, too, as it means I had time to get stuff for PS, and look for a present for Sean. He likes "thoughtful, funny things that remind him of the gift giver." Groundbreaking. I've been wracking my brain for weeks, and couldn't find anything I thought would fit. It turns out they don't make piano or music note shaped butt plugs. Like 99.9999 percent of times I try to figure out what to bring for a party, I spent about 30 minutes wandering around the grocery store trying to figure out what to bring. Tim had asked me to buy food for Pupple, so I snagged that, too. Still couldn't find anything to give Sean. Fuck.

Kenneth never messaged me at home, so I started packing, buzzed my head, and laid down with Lady Miss Friday. She even put her paws on me, which is as close as she normally comes to cuddling with me. I'm taking my vitamins, sleeping enough, I think, and no clue why my body still feels like lead. I somewhat recovered by the time Tim got there. He was a little late, as he'd decided to give Pupple a bath. Totally understandable, since he was only out of food since yesterday. Tim always shares his food, so he wasn't starving, but still. I had him buzz my back while he was there, then crashed early.