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Oh Fer Fuck's Sake

Woke up at 2, of course, because my body hates me. There's no reason for it. I was exhausted the night before, took my melatonin, etc. Best guess is the weather, still all hot and sticky, and the persistent thought that every tingle of hair getting stuck was actually a flea. Kept trying to sleep and almost managed after jerking off (another gusher!), but it was just not happening. Finally got up early and hit the gym in Horton Plaza. It was a good workout, even if I did still feel like a mound of flab after.

Drank 3 cups of coffee to get through the work day, but I did it. Jason messaged me that dance for the SDGMC show was a no-go, but I could still volunteer for things. Nooooooooooooooooope. I get that SDGMC is nonprofit, but they do pay people, and they charge their members to do it. I'll provide my talent for free, but not my labor.

I was tempted to swing by the gym again for extra cardio, but I didn't. I sprayed for fleas when I got home, but didn't really have the energy to do anything else, even play video games or watch Netflix. I should have at least baked the cake, so it could set appropriately. Now I have no idea what I'm going to make for Friday.

The Mondayest Of Mondays

Woke up at 3 am due to some exceptionally loud and close thunder, couldn't get back to sleep for the life of me. Also woke up to roughly a million flea bites - at least 7 on just one of my feet. Well, how nice.

Still managed to workout in my office once. Trevor messaged me confirming we were still on, and kept pushing to meet after his meeting around 9:30. No no no and no. He confirmed for 5:15, but I didn't see that until he actually arrived at 5:11. Fuck. I'd already showered, but I'd also just had leftover sammich fixins. Damn. The sex was good, if painful like always, and I shot my face. I think he'd been anticipating staying longer, because he didn't have anywhere to go until 7:30. I also think he was hoping my place would be cleaner. He left for food (I'd offered to make him some, but he wanted "real meat"), I laid down to wait for JJD to message me about swimming laps. Unfortunately, as tired as I was, I passed out around 7 instead. :-/

He Rested

Woke up to a bunch of texts from last night - Darrel wanted to fuck, Trevor wanted to fuck, Billy wanted to do something, Dana had messaged, and apparently I'd pocket dialed Keagan a bunch of times.

Made some coffee, ate some tofu, *finally* dragged myself to the gym for the 8th day in a row, but everything was sore. Eliot messaged me wanting to do something, but also had no ideas what that something should be. There was Bunnyfest in Balboa Park, but it was ending just as I found out about it. Swung by Leo's to catch up over drinks while I messaged folks. Leo found out last year that he was diabetic, and might have been for the last 10 years. They had to amputate his big toe, and then cut his tendons to flatten his feet out again. Damn. He's applying for disability, and the process is still killer. I should have swung down to the Veteran's thrift store to look for a bolero jacket and maybe different shorts.

Keagan was down for watching First Period, Eliot wanted burgers - yay decisions! Eliot got there early, but I didn't want to start the movie without the boys, so we just chatted for a bit while I made dinner. Keagan and Chris were late, but finally showed up. They loved the movie, Eliot not so much. They also left first, and then saying goodby to Eliot became fucking. Neither of us could cum, though. Ah, well.

In A Row?!

Hit the gym in the morning - I don't even remember the last time I went to the gym 7 days in a row. Got home and had a bite to eat before getting ready for the "Just the guys" pool party. I'd invited Jason, FHA, Keagan, Dana, etc. but only Rob was able to join. Unfortunately, he's also a bit high strung and was messaging me every 15 minutes about leaving immediately.

I'd wanted to wear my gladiator swimsuit, but I seem to be too big for it. This is why "being pretty" can't motivate you to go to the gym. Honeycomb it is.

The party itself was okay....kind of sparsely attended, really. About 20-30 people there, total. I saw Steve Keane there, Itai and Adam. Itai swears he saw pics of me from the last party being scandalous, but we left long before suits started coming off. He also got pretty trashed today and was damn near crying at me be the end of the day, but I can't recall why. Adam doesn't share my same joy for dogs, because apparently he belongs to a different species.

A Year

Work was super slow, which is fine, and we had our quarterly meeting. Some of the ideas I've had for claims are going to be implemented. Leo wanted me to swing by his place but I didn't trust myself to still hit the gym later. Surprisingly good workout. Keagan hit me up while I was still there, and I suggested we go to Creative Crossroads for their one year anniversary party. He wanted to invite FHA, too, but he was at Addams Family. The party was fun, I saw Mark Johnson (guy I had a 3 way with Zach with a while back). I feel bad, because there's pretty much nothing I ever want to buy there. The owner of Army of Happy is drop dead gorgeous. I saw Frank, Mikey, and Marc from across the room, but couldn't make it over to say hi. I really want to fuck Mikey again.

Since we were so close, we hit Mo's instead of PECS, had a couple drinks there. I ran into more people whose names I should really know. Both Keagan and Chris got pretty drunk pretty fast - good and squeaked off of two beers. I'm guessing they were pregaming? Dropped them off at home, found myself pretty tired for it not being very late, crashed.

Missed Opportunities

Woke up a little less refreshed than the day before, but still much better than say, previous to the melatonin. The office lights were bothering me all day. I normally work with one or both of them out, but no combination seemed to help my vision. JJD and SMS were out, but I didn't realize that would've made for good singing until much later. I worked out *twice* in my office, occasionally browsed Tumblr and tried to not compare myself to the impossible individuals there. And had to remind myself that for many of my fans, and even some of my costars, I *am* the impossible, genetic lottery winner. Donny, my heavily closeted client who wanted to date me (that is, still see me, but not be a client) messaged me out of the blue. Unfortunately, our conversation went like this:

Him: Hey, hope all is well with you.

Me: Heya Donny! Long time no chat! How've you been?

Him: Good. You?

Me:..........
......................
........................Also good.

Him: Good.

I'm really really done carrying conversations that I didn't start to begin with.

I also hit the gym again - go me! Except that makes for all of 3 days in a row this week, and 4 days last week, after nearly a week off. It was a rough workout, but I did the whole damn thing. I did the dishes when I got home, because discipline, and had a hard time not falling asleep immediately. I really hope I'm not getting sick. Jason Ensign was giving away tickets to see Tiger Style, a show at La Jolla Playhouse, but I want to fuck him, not watch a show with him and didn't have the energy anyway.

Beast

Oh heeeeeey 2am. Haven't seen you in a while. No, I totally wasn't smug yesterday when I got to go back to sleep. Yes, 2.5 hours of laying awake in the dark will teach me.

On the way to work, I realized that I'd run out of coffee on Friday. Lord. It was a slow day, which is shocking for a 3 day weekend, but maybe it'll catch up to us on Wednesday. I even worked out in my office, then hit the gym on the way back and had a stellar workout. There's an article floating around right now that talks about discipline being way, way better than motivation. I feel like all of already knew this, even if we didn't know the words for it, because we already have jobs. But other things, like going to the gym on a few hours sleep, or going grocery shopping after that, then cleaning house after that, are maybe a little harder to discipline oneself for?

Tim asked to come over, and I said sure, but I was too tired to really pay attention to anything he said. I'm rewatching Bojack Horseman, which is more everything than it was the first time I watched it. Tim is strangely pleased at the random moments that delight me.

Just some notes.

I've been down for a little over a month now. Roughly 98% of the time. At best, after sleeping or a workout, I'll feel better for an hour or two before I'm thinking fairly extreme things again. I'm having recurring dreams of the dog I'm fostering being infested with fleas, and suffering from various skin conditions. In one, he had simply chewed his fur off. In another, he actually had a bunch of industrial clothespin looking things embedded in his back. My dad died July 2. I'm told that surely must be having some effect on me, but it seems unlikely at best.

Andy's Party

Woke up in Big Eric's bed - I seem to do that a lot lately. Big Eric and I chatted about the night before while he cleaned up the place, and then I went home to check on my seitan. I'd started a batch the night before, and was really hoping the breadmaker wouldn't have set my kitchen on fire in the 12 hours I was gone. Success! This is nice, because it means I can start making seitan in overnight batches.

I mostly laid in bed hungover all day, but Milo asked to come over and I haven't seen him in a while, so I said sure. This also made me do some light apartment cleaning. We started in the living room, and I was pretty ragingly hard. I thought about fucking him, but couldn't imagine he was ready for that, and it's really not my strong suit anyway. His kissing has gone way downhill, though. He occasionally kissed my upper or lower lip, but seems to be trying on the "open your mouth and hold still" school of kissing. That's a terrible school, and they should lose their accreditation.

I picked up Ashley, but had forgotten the Stoli I bought. She looked gorgeous, of course, and laughed when I told her about tearing up from hearing "Blessed." My phone started ringing in the car. It was Tim, I didn't answer. We had some trouble finding Andy. Hank, Jonathan, and Chris were there, as well as some conventionally attractive, but very nice, youngster. There was a sushi chef inside, who jokingly put a whole avocado on Ashley's plate when she asked if he could make something vegan, and then brought out a raw roll. I saw Mick, who heads Dirty Tony, and Charles. I chatted with an older gent named Mark, about Hawaii & Divas, and with the younger kid about careers. He's a HUGE Deloitte fan, so he's going to send me his resume, and I'm going to fwd it to Adam Studley. There were huge waits for the bathroom, because everyone was apparently doing drugs in there. If everyone's doing drugs, why hide it in the bathroom? Maybe so you don't have to share?

It was a cold night, and Andy had the fancy flame columns up, but then one of them went out. Ashley asked me to introduce her to my super gay friends, and the next person I saw was Tom. Tom is a refrigerator shaped gentleman, who once suggested I give escorting a try, with him as my manager. Ashley found this delightful. I ran into Matt McMann, there as Brian's guest, who latched on to me like a life raft. These were A gays, he didn't know anyone, and no one was being nice to him. I can take care of that! The DJ was godawful. He played 90's hiphop, followed by a current dance track, followed by some loungey jazz number. I guess they'd found him on late notice, and maybe on a street corner, as well.

Just before we left, I found myself chatting with a gent who kept glaring at me. I kept trying to make jokes and be polite, but he finally just said "I don't like you." Ugh. The party was pretty much over at that point, though there were two others we'd been invited to. Michael Leeper had literally invited us to his housewarming via text around 8:30, and the Cosmik Roadhouse Reunion party at Gabe's place. It was a little after 1am, Leeper hadn't texted, and we had trouble finding Gabe's place. When we finally did, the lights were off. I guess that party had ended, too.

I felt kind of bad; Ashley had been expecting the party at Andy's to be a rager. I got the feeling before we even got there that it was going to be a bit more posh, and when I saw 1) the attendees, and 2) that the pool was off limits, I knew it was going to end early. This is a trend I've noticed lately. By "party" people often mean "pre-party, before we go out to a club."

I dropped Ashley off and went back to my place. Listened to Tim's message, sent him a text.

Dance Central

Servers crashing and connectivity issues punctuated the day, and I guess even the help desk crashed, so we couldn't even send in notifications about things crashing. It would still have been possible for me to get my work done, but that kind of repetitive, halting forward motions is honestly just not worth it.

Ashley was taking the night off. Her mom really wanted her to go to Zumba the next morning. I considered taking the night off as well - it was raining out, and I'd been missing sleep all week. Big Eric texted, though and since it's been a while since I've seen him, I decided to go for it. We played Dance Central 2 (Electric Boogaloo), and I felt like Big Eric would have been just as happy to have stayed in and played that. Nope. If we're going out, we're going out. I saw Noah again - he was trying to be nice, and make some comment about how smart I was, but the only part I heard was that he doesn't want to have sex with me. Richard Britton also met us there, of course.

We went back to Big Eric's place, and Jonathan joined us as well. Big Eric had told him there were hot boys there, and Jonathan was literally going room to room hunting for them. Jonathan was upset over having walked "all that way." Jonathan now lives in the apartment across from me, approximately 3/4 of a block from Big Eric. -.-